Good sex is about presence, openness, and sinking into your body letting yourself be felt. And your ability to do that is deeply connected to your nervous system. In particular, that winding, electric thread connecting your brain and body the Vagus Nerve.

Your Vagal State is heavily connected to your ability to feel, receive, and revel in pleasure. So when it’s tired or tense, you may feel less good or nothing at all.

The Three Nervous System States & Sex

Freeze - Dorsal

Why: Your body shuts down to protect itself from overwhelming threat, numbing pain and withdrawing inward.

How: Disconnection, numbness, shutdown.

Result: Hard to feel pleasure, safety, or desire. More like survival mode, not sensual mode.

Fight or Flight - Sympathetic

Why: Activated when your system senses danger, ready to run or fight.

How: Tension, anxiety, hyper-vigilance.

Result: Restlessness, unease and nervous anticipation.

Safe & Engaged - Ventral

Why: Your system is regulated, safe, and open to falling into flow.

How: Relaxed, energised, receptive.

Result: Your body hums with anticipation, pleasure, and ease. You feel safe to explore, express, and surrender.

So, obviously, Ventral is where you want to be to feel the most pleasure. While the other states exist to protect you, they’re not exactly conducive to presence and fun, flowy sex.

When your nervous system is dysregulated (from stress, trauma, or just modern life), it can be hard to shift out of survival mode and into deep desire & embodiment.

And that’s where curating your space for pleasure comes in. You can teach your body that when you step into this space, it’s time to drop into desire. Think of it like a lil’ neuro-hack for releasing tension - you’re ‘pavlov’s dog’ing yourself to drop into sensuality.

How to Curate a Sensory Space for Pleasure

Here are my tips:

• Lighting - death to the big light! No one looks sexy under it & its bad for the soul.
  • Try: Candles - who doesn’t like warm, flickering light? Pretend you’re a victorian couple who has lusted to touch each other for years, and you have finally given in to the sins of the flesh.
  • Try: Salt Lamps - The soft light creates a warm and calming glow that reveals just enough to the eye. They’re also inoffensive as there’s no direct bulb in sight and won’t disrupt your sleep cycle.
  • Why: ****Warm, dim lights mimics sunset and firelight, which our brains associate with rest, intimacy, and safety. This signals the ventral vagal system that we’re in a safe space, reducing cortisol and increasing oxytocin (the bonding and relaxation hormone).
• Scent - of course the ol’ olfactory influences your mood. So much is communicated through scent and it plays a vital role in arousal.
  • Try: Candles - Two for one? Sandalwood, Vanilla, Amber. Something deep and velvety.
  • Try: Incense - Inexpensive (my favourite is nag champa $2.50 a pack). Creates a thick, intoxicating air.
  • Try: Body Oils - Essential oils infused with your natural scent is perfect for making you feel sexy. Look at ones that calm, invigorate, or arouse.
  • Why: The olfactory system is hardwired to the limbic system, the part of the brain controlling emotion, memory, and nervous system regulation. Certain scents immediately trigger a state shift (Sandalwood is grounding. Lavender is soothing). Also, low, deep inhalations of a scent you associate with pleasure engages the vagus nerve, slowing your heart rate and pulling you out of stress responses.
• Sound - music to your ears baby, drown out the outside world. Music with a steady, slow tempo (~60 bpm) helps lower heart rate and blood pressure, reinforcing a ventral vagal state of deep presence.
  • Curate a playlist - or songs you know make you feel good. They can make you feel energised, sexy or calm your mind. If you’re not sure, try low, rhythmic beats or play tantric playlists on Spotify.
    • Why: ****Low, rhythmic beats or ambient sounds mimic the natural rhythm of a calm, resting body this entrains your nervous system into synchronicity with relaxation.
  • Soundscapes - There are plenty of ambient soundscapes on YouTube and Spotify that recreate juicy environments. Maybe by the fireplace, or the jungle, or the sound of rain. Whatever feels good for you.
    • Why: White noise, nature sounds, and steady drum beats activate the parasympathetic system, reinforcing a sense of predictability and safety. A lil’ escape.
  • Guided Mediation or Erotic stories - try Ferly, Dipsea or Literotica (free), let someone elses voice take the reigns. Like a guided meditation but to get you off.
• Physical Sensation - what better way to bring you into your body that through your largest organ, your skin? Try contrasting sensations to heighten your somatic awareness, pulling you out of your head and into your body, reinforcing presence and embodiment.
  • Soft vs. firm—silk sheets against skin, but a solid headboard or grounded surface beneath you.
  • Cool vs. warm - a chilled glass trailing over your skin before meeting a warm mouth.
  • Light vs. deep pressure - a feather’s touch followed by a firm, slow massage.
  • Stillness vs. movement - lying completely still, focusing on sensation, then shifting into slow, rhythmic motion.
  • Why: Slow, intentional touch (self-massage, a partner’s caress, or simply feeling fabric against skin) activates C-tactile fibres, specialised nerve endings that signal comfort and pleasure to the brain.

These senses wake up the body’s sensory pathways, keeping you present and deepening pleasure. They also engage the vagus nerve, reinforcing a state of calm arousal where you feel both stimulated and secure - the sweet spot for truly embodied intimacy.

After time, when you enter this space these environmental cues will tell your body ‘you are home, you are safe, and you are about to have great sex.’

Mack Out. xx