Sometimes the chokehold society has on women's autonomy is glaringly obvious. Women being sold off to strengthen patrilineal lines. Laws that treat their bodies as property. Or sometimes, it's more subtle and insidious - and packaged as if it's for them.

Take Purity Culture for example. Which functions as a sort of social-shame-drenched wet blanket for extinguishing the flame of women's desire. It was rife in the Victorian Era, where women were told their value lay in their purity. A woman who chose to fuck outside of marriage wasn't just judged - she was devalued, demoralised, maybe even incarcerated for 'prostitution'. While her male counterpart got off scott-free.

These days, purity culture is still showing up uninvited, and that betch is a shapeshifter: purity rings, slut-shaming, the trad-wife revival. Those are the obvious ones. But it's not always guised as a woman's duty to God or her man.

In less conservative circles - algorithms, wellness cults, your For You page - you'll hear it dressed up in "divine feminine" language. Which, in my humble opinion, is just another way to police women's bodies while convincing us it's our choice.

Because the sentiment beneath these movements hasn't changed: sex can "dirty" a woman.

One of the least intelligent divine feminine favourites: "when a woman has sex with a man, she carries his DNA for 7 years." ..puke. But sometimes it's a bit less scientifically debunkable. Tell me if these sound familiar:

And again: I puke.

Why is this harmful? Because it de-centres a woman's desire, robs her of her autonomy, and devalues her based on sexual choice - while telling her the power is all hers. It stops asking what she wants and starts asking what she'll lose. And if you ask me, that's not one for the girls.

So how can you tell if your sexuality is actually yours?

It takes some real introspection to tease out where cultural framing ends and you begin. Start by noticing what comes up when you consider sleeping around - if the feeling is less about lack of desire and more about fear of consequence, that's self-policing baby. You've put that puss under arrest.

And it shows up in quieter ways too. If sex feels like something you give rather than something you experience. If you avoid casual sex not because you don't want it but because you're afraid of what it makes you. If the number of partners you've had feels like a secret to manage rather than a neutral fact. Sounds a bit to me like you’ve internalised some rules that weren’t made for you.

When you're ready to recentre, try asking yourself:

Inevitably, cultural scripts are always going to shape how we think about sex - sexuality doesn't exist in a vacuum. Maybe sex without love genuinely doesn't turn you on, and that's also hot and cool. But if Shame is the cop and your desire's doing the time, ask yourself whose crusty ass wrote the damn law.

My final word: if you're safe, respected, and horny - set that coochie free.

Mack Out. xx